Grim Reaper or Safe-in-the-Arms?
After a number of years of battling an illness, my employer's mother passed away this last weekend.
Up until earlier last year, she spent several hours a day dealing with paperwork & phone calls in the office. I'd usually spend some time each day talking with her about this or that or work :)
Her condition accelerated to the point where she was unable to carry on with her job, so the wife of my boss took over her mother in law's job.
Late last week, I heard from a co-worker that she was in the hospital & not doing well - not expected to survive the weekend.
My boss has barely been at work - I can scarcely imagine what he is going through.
I wonder if we employees will be invited to/expected to attend the funeral. I hope I don't have to go - such affairs are very difficult for me.
I barely knew my father's mother, and I cried for hours when I learned she'd passed away (though I was only 13 or so). I still remember my mother's father's funeral - the way "he" was lying in the casket. So still. So peaceful. So empty - as if it was a representation of him. There was no hint at the life that had once been there. So cold. So... gone.
And I think I was closer to her than my grandparents.
I really cannot imagine being the surviving spouse - knowing someone so closely & intimately for years (if only a few) and then being left so totally alone. I am accustomed to being alone - to the point I usually think nothing of getting something to eat, going shopping, or attending a concert or movie, all the while being the one single person in a sea of hundreds at the various places & events.
Some days, I really do long for someone to be with for years. Someone to come home to, to go out with, to wake up with. Someone to leave this world with, as Noah & Allie did. I tell you, that scene hit me harder than any I can think of.
Then I think, where would I meet someone? Who could tolerate me? How could I adjust to being with someone after all these years on my own? Perhaps it's true, "When the love is right, the path is bright"
Ah, more concerns to pass along to God, I suppose. Easier said than done. Perhaps He's trying to show me something, and I am missing it.
More patience, more clarity, but without self-importance - that's what I'd like.
listening to...
Billie Holiday - I'll Be Seeing You
Leigh Nash - Next To You
Up until earlier last year, she spent several hours a day dealing with paperwork & phone calls in the office. I'd usually spend some time each day talking with her about this or that or work :)
Her condition accelerated to the point where she was unable to carry on with her job, so the wife of my boss took over her mother in law's job.
Late last week, I heard from a co-worker that she was in the hospital & not doing well - not expected to survive the weekend.
My boss has barely been at work - I can scarcely imagine what he is going through.
I wonder if we employees will be invited to/expected to attend the funeral. I hope I don't have to go - such affairs are very difficult for me.
I barely knew my father's mother, and I cried for hours when I learned she'd passed away (though I was only 13 or so). I still remember my mother's father's funeral - the way "he" was lying in the casket. So still. So peaceful. So empty - as if it was a representation of him. There was no hint at the life that had once been there. So cold. So... gone.
And I think I was closer to her than my grandparents.
I really cannot imagine being the surviving spouse - knowing someone so closely & intimately for years (if only a few) and then being left so totally alone. I am accustomed to being alone - to the point I usually think nothing of getting something to eat, going shopping, or attending a concert or movie, all the while being the one single person in a sea of hundreds at the various places & events.
Some days, I really do long for someone to be with for years. Someone to come home to, to go out with, to wake up with. Someone to leave this world with, as Noah & Allie did. I tell you, that scene hit me harder than any I can think of.
Then I think, where would I meet someone? Who could tolerate me? How could I adjust to being with someone after all these years on my own? Perhaps it's true, "When the love is right, the path is bright"
Ah, more concerns to pass along to God, I suppose. Easier said than done. Perhaps He's trying to show me something, and I am missing it.
More patience, more clarity, but without self-importance - that's what I'd like.
listening to...
Billie Holiday - I'll Be Seeing You
Leigh Nash - Next To You
posted by elye tirvare | 11:03 PM
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