Why must it be so difficult?

Well, last Saturday, after a long week with extreme ups & downs in temperature, I attended the 60th birthday party of a coworker. He's always trying to get me out of my animal house :)

It was fun enough, though large gatherings with people all over tend to wear me out. I don't usually do to well in close contact with lots of people. A friend attended with me, and I also brought Andromeda, one of my baby Burmese pythons (I checked ahead of time to make sure it was okay with the host :) ). His wife's sister actually loves snakes, and spent time holding her. Another coworker's step-daughter is fascinated by snakes, and nearly wanted to take Rommie home with her! Her mother was very adamant "NO!" (though she had improved, as has my friend - they will touch my snakes now, but don't want to hold them). I finally got home about 10pm, and had cages to clean, so I wasn't in bed 'til near midnight!

So, I was saying... I woke up late on Sunday, rather than at 6am, and someone else from Pepsi got a little excited and drove 1.5 hours to place a display of soda out on the salesfloor.
My supervisor was upset (undertandably), and has decided to discontinue my position, and have his delivery people work both Saturday & Sunday, rather than only on Saturdays (must be nice, though - they'll still work 5 days a week, with two days off). It was more of a mutual decision rather than a firing, but the guy is really arrogant & condescending. It was hard to take. He's only been there a couple months, and seems to be "cleaning house".

I was seriously planning on quitting working for them, or at least cutting back, because it's really been wearing me out lately. I've been doing this for nearly 3 years now - working every day - and I'm not getting any younger, either. I'm not a quitter, though, so I find it hard to cut back. I guess when the decision's made for me, I have no choice.

I have 22 baby snakes to care for now, with more (hopefully) on the way. I got a message from a member (well, he and his girlfriend) in the forum I moderate, asking if I'd be selling any baby corn snakes. It seems they'd waited to buy, knowing I was raising some! It's nice to find something I'm fairly good at, and appreciated for.

On that note...
Thankfully I've been busy with lots of things to do & plan for - it gives me less time to remember & dwell on the fact that I AM ALONE. It's like this big dark cloud that follows me around constantly, and when I slow down or turn around, the lightning flashes, the thunder echoes in my skull, and I become overwhelmed with the falling rain.
I'll hear a song on the radio, or one will pop into my head, and right then & there, the melancholy feelings surface, the tears well up, and I can't concentrate on anything else, despite my best efforts. It's so sad to imagine that others have the same experience.
I don't want to give up, and I feel that I won't need to - that God has someone out there for me - but it seems so impossible.

I know I'm nowhere near to being what or where I need to be - to be worthy of her, but I'd like a little something to encourage me. A small possibility. A little word. Anything to let me know that I won't always be alone. Please, God?

God cares for His children, right? He'll meet my needs, won't He? Am I not speaking His language? With all the talking to Him I do, I'd think He'd answer - perhaps I'm not seeing all He does for me lately.
Be strong, be patient - you're only going through the valley of shadows.

So, with no work today, and anticipated plans not developing, I suppose I shall clean house a bit, and lose myself in some movies.

listening to...

Five for Fighting - Something About You
Heart - Never
Lifehouse - First Time