I have to make a decision.

It's getting quite obvious to me that I have to decide who my friends are, and what direction I want my life to take. I've wandered rather aimlessly for about 11.5 years now, and I've never decided what I want to do when I "grow up", I've never pursued any relationships, and I've yet to make something of myself.

A certain problem keeps rearing its head, and much as I try to avoid it, it always creeps back. It is beginning to look like an "all-or-nothing" situation, and I'm leaning towards "nothing". As I look back, it's something that in some ways has held me back. On the other hand, it's something that is a fairly large part of my life, and I'm hesitant to sever all ties, but it seems that is the only option left to me.

It makes me angry & miserable all at once to consider that, but it's something I have to decide. Soon. Otherwise it will continue to eat at me, and devour all my time, thoughts, and energy.

I wish I could time-travel. I'd go back & warn me not to make that decision so long ago. Or maybe, just maybe, the one before that.

No music in my head - only questions, confusion, and sadness. Nothing touches it.

I will go lose myself in a movie or two. Goodnight.