Yesterday (Today)

Blogger has erased my last post - not sure why, but here it is again - as best as I'm able...

Today was a typical day for me - lots of work to do, but enough time to get it all accomplished.This morning in one store I worked in, I overheard a local fellow conversing with a store employee. I have "spoken" with him on occasion - but I say that meaning his speech is all but unintelligible. I get more from his body language & hand gestures than I do from his talking. I wonder if I appear the same way to others when I am less than understandable. Do I seem to have my own language? Do others wonder if I am hearing what they say in response to me?
Later in the day, I was able to help a woman in a "mart-kart" with her purchases. As she drove up to me, I knew what she wanted me to help her with, even though she was only able to stutter & moan. I gladly picked it out & set it in the basket in the little scooter-thingy that allowed her to travel the store & shop. She smiled at me & drove off.
I think maybe I have a gift for understanding, or maybe I am just that different from the "norm" that I can understand disabled people, little children, & animals better than I can relate to most adults. It's okay - I like helping people and seeing them happy, probably more than anything else. I wish I had more opportunities.
I'm learning to accept this lot in life God has given me. He knows what I can bear, and what will mold me into what I am to become. I must be doing the right things, because I'm happier than I've been in a long time.
~ Life is hard, but God is good - Pam Thum ~
He always makes a way for us, despite our shortcomings.
~ the beauty of grace ~
Thanks, God for great music, great insight, and great friends.
You always know how to make my day.
Thank you.

An interesting news article I received

I received the link to this when I logged onto MSN today.
I found it sad, but sweet. Perhaps she was happy to go to her husband at his graveside. Sounds like a movie ending to me, though I can sympathize with the family.

Oh. My. Goodness.

Well, since I have consigned myself to keeping this blog, blog I shall...
Beginning with the earliest relevant recollection, here it is -


Okay, I've always been a fan of Sandra Bullock's movies. She is one of the few actresses out there who appears to be rather clean in choosing her roles, and I have appreciated that over the years.
I've also seen a number of Keanu Reeves' movies (even saw an early film where he was announced as "KEE-new" :) ), and though sometimes his acting is less than persuasive, I have enjoyed his roles as well.
Several months ago, I saw commercials on tv, selling, I believe, the DVD release date of "The Lake House".
I don't recall seeing it being shown in theaters, but I guess that isn't really part of the story.
I was startled to see that for whatever reason, and felt drawn to see it. It did seem like a "chick-flick", so that made me hesitant, but on the other hand, there was the mystery of the lead characters living two years apart. That was a draw for me, as I enjoy quirky films, and mysterious angles of the plot.
Well, as I mentioned last time, I watched "The Notebook" with a friend last Saturday, and she also wanted to see "The Lake House". I rented that movie so that we could watch it, but she brought her daughter's copy of "The Notebook" along, and we watched that first. It had gotten too late by the time that was finished, so we thought to watch the 2nd movie another time.
As my first night to myself in several days, after dinner, I decided to watch that movie rather than return it unwatched (I do like to get my money's worth on occasion).
It started out interesting enough, but quickly became very riveting. Some sad moments were perhaps predictable, but really enhance the movie. I won't give anything away, just in case you have not seen it for yourself, but I will share one thing that has become stuck in my head.

"See you in two years" "See you tomorrow"

It is my new favorite, beating out "Eternal Sunshine" & more recently "The Notebook". So many phrases, scenes, circumstances, & similarities jumped out at me - I'm going to watch it again (I've only watched 3 other movies more than once in my whole life - The Man from Snowy River, Return to Snowy River, and Eternal Sunshine..., in case you were curious).
'Bye!

"The Notebook" & lessons learned

Yes, I broke down and watched it. A friend visited on Saturday, and wanted to watch it, so I sat through it, expecting your usual chick-flick :)
I liked it - the beginning was a little cheesy/predictable, but the story was incredible. Yes, it was sad, and yeah, I did tear up a little at the end, but as one character mentioned to her former boyfriend when he found his true love, "Thank you for letting me meet her - Now I have something to look forward to". Okay, okay, I know it's a movie, designed to sell tickets, video copies, and other merchandise, but movies are designed to reflect our heartaches, hopes, experiences, and dreams.
Yes, I've become content with my (single) lot in life, but that was a eventual transition, built on a life of growing up isolated, not knowing how to act/react in a relationship, and having my heart broken a couple of times. I eventually lost hope that I'd actually find someone who was meant for me after having relationships end for various reasons, sometimes my own lack of confidence, and decided no-one was meant for me.
At my sister's wedding a couple years ago, someone said to my mom, "well, one down, how many more?", to which my mom replied a bit tearfully, "well, 3". I bristled at that, since why should she think I would marry? I don't want to, right? Well, I do get lonely sometimes, but I figured I should get used to it, and not expect anything to happen, and not set myself up for possibilities of loneliness. I have immersed myself in work, and I have surrounded myself with pets, and I do have a couple friends, but don't count on them to go out of their way to spend time with me.
One, however, has been including me in activities with himself & his wife - not often - he knows I'm okay by myself, but I appreciate his interest in keeping me from my hermit lifestyle :)
Another does plan activities for us to do together sometimes - a concert, a movie, just going out to dinner or redecorating my house, or carrying her shopping bags for her. It's nice to be included.
My mother has also taken an interest in at least calling me on the phone every week or two, or bringing some leftovers from dinner over for me. I know she is busy all day every day, so I make sure she knows I am grateful.
Also, in one heck of a coincidence, I have reconnected with an old friend. It's exciting to catch up, and also lots of old memories have been popping up - the nicknames, the long talks, the cards we'd send. Of course we have both grown up a lot, and matured a bit since then, but so many things seem familiar. I hope it's in God's plan for us to stay in touch this time - I'd like that.
The timing could not have been better, which leads me to believe God is still taking an interest in me, also. He knew I was going through a lot, and He supplied the bright spot.
I'd started to think I was under the radar for now. You know how after a period of nothing special happening in your life, you begin to think God is finding more important things to occupy His time & energy. I know He is omnipotent, but I'm not, so it is difficult to imagine.
So, I guess I should not presume to tell God how my life will go. For just when I think I have things figured out, He surprises me. He's got a plan for me, and He will accomplish it. I thought I had done the Christian thing & accepted the fact that I'd grow old with my critters in my little house, and I guess I'd grown calloused to the fact that there might be room for improvement in my life. You know how a person, when dealing with a situation in their life, will take it as their cross to bear, as if this is what they will suffer for Christ.
God means us to be happy - to enjoy the life He has given us, and when we act like we are His martyrs, He must be so sad, thinking "I give them all that, and they're unhappy???
I guess I have been second-guessing God again, and He has really shown me the last couple days that I still have growing to do, that I need to trust Him every day, in every way, and not say to myself "That's it - this is how things will be". I don't know what to expect, but whether I do become an old man living with his pets, or I do end up sharing my life with someone, I'm now open to the possibilities. It's so exciting to see that now...

Let Go & Let God

I sit here wondering what is to become of my life. I've had a lot of things shake up my concept of the rest of my life lately. I know my life is in God's hands, but I still make decisions - I still screw things up sometimes. I know I'm supposed to trust Him & thankfully accept what He sends my way, but it's difficult not knowing what's going on.
My mom told me the other day that I shouldn't think so much "Just let things happen - God will provide". I appreciate her words, but my mind never stops thinking - attempting to put the pieces together - in a sense, second-guessing God's intentions.
I've been blessed in spite of recent problems, and though at the time, things were awful/horrible/inconceivably difficult, I could have had it worse. I'm beginning to see that now - hind sight IS 20/20. I'm sure things will look more cohesive in a few days/weeks/months/years, but, being mortal, I don't want to wait that long to see why these things come my way.