I feel better today!

Yesterday, I felt like a character in a Frank Peretti novel - I was discouraged & lonely & tempted to think and/or do all sorts of bad things. I could just imagine demons swirling around me, swatting away angels who may have been trying to give me good thoughts & bright spots. Cackling laughs kept popping into my head - I certainly hope that was just my overactive imagination.

It's probably that I'm still suffering aftereffects of my forced "vacation", not to mention still dealing with my pets' deaths - this will get easier.

Today was evidence of that.

It was a cold, cloudy day, but I had a warm comfy jacket to wear. I got all my work done, though I ended up working through lunch hour. I got paid by two jobs today, so I've got extra money (to pay bills with :S).
Tomorrow a friend is coming over, and we will talk about some problems we've been having in getting along. I've put off talking to her, not wanting to hurt her feelings, but I think it's time. I think she has the wrong impression of me, and I need to fix that.
It's really been getting to me lately, and today, after we talked a bit on the phone, I felt more peaceful than I have in a while.

I also heard a radio ad that a company nearby is hiring. I checked out their website, and it looks promising. It seems to have tons of potential, and though it would be a change of profession for me, it would be easier on my getting-older-every-day body, and could perhaps exceed my current income. I've got an "assessment" scheduled in a couple weeks, so I will get my questions answered there & then. I've decided to start exploring my options sooner, rather than later.

Thank you God, for sticking with me.
I appreciate the doors You have opened, and the doors & windows to come.
Now I just need some continuous pushing through those openings!!!

listening to:

Better Than Ezra - Felt Like a Lifetime
Anadara - Go
Alice in Chains - Heaven Beside You
sonicflooD - Trading My Sorrows

p.s., I figured out how to add a song at a time to my myspace profile... so, check it out sometime (and keep checking back, as I'm sure I'll want to add others :) )

Now I'm off to work all night to free up time for tomorrow... wish me luck

At least I can blog...

I suppose this is like talking to myself, which I do already, but here it is nonetheless.

I have so little actually happening to me lately, but my mind never ceases. It must be a couple years ahead by now...

Work is slow, weather is cold, family is distant, I'm getting enough time to sleep but can't seem to make it happen, and I wake up minutes before I need to be at work - exhausted. Maybe this is just a rough spot meant to teach me something.

I think I need to accept that while I may want a bright spot, I don't necessarily need one - God knows what is best, and I think I need patience.

So, with that in mind, I will keep plugging away, and take what comes as it happens.

Being pessimistic isn't all that bad - it gives one the opportunity to be pleasantly surprised when good things happen. BUT IT'S SO DIFFICULT!!!!!!

---listening to:

Be Good Tanyas - Don't You Fall
Guns 'n Roses - November Rain
Liz Phair - Everything To Me
Tom Petty - Square One

So much to write about! ...edited

Well, after several less-than-great events over the last few days, I was feeling pretty down & depressed & alone today.
During my lunch hour,as I often do, I was listening to Adventures in Odyssey, which featured a variation on "Gift of the Magi" by O. Henry. Though I never tire of hearing that story, it made me think it sure would be nice to have someone to spend Christmas with - then, on Focus on the Family, Dr. James Dobson & his guests were talking about people starting a life together or something. I had to change the station - it was getting to me.

So, after lunch hour made me feel more depressed & lonely, I was so down I wasn't even thinking of asking God for a bright spot, when, while flipping channels, I landed on a local Christian radio station, WPFF, which was nearly done playing a song which literally (well, not literally, but almost) grabbed me. That song was Need to Breathe's "Shine On". When I got home after work, I located it online, and listened to it over & over
Below is the official music video for it (which REALLY puts it in perspective!).


---UPDATE---
I finally found the lyrics (I heard most of 'em correctly ;) )

While listening to the song (which I also downloaded), I found a video for another song that has really ministered to me lately, Stellar Kart's "Me and Jesus". You have to hear it for yourself...


CLICK here for the video...

and here are the lyrics if you missed 'em


Well, seeing those two videos reminded me of the movie Pay It Forward, and that got me thinking...

Yeah, I have had a lot of disappointments, heartbreaks, and senseless tragedies happen to me in my lifetime, but you know what? I've got Jesus! He's there when I don't have any friends, He's there when my pets die, He's there when I feel so alone, & He'll be there when I'm old. He knows exactly what I can deal with, and He knows just what to send my way when I can't deal.
I should realize that with all the silver linings & bright spots I've been noticing lately. They have probably been there all along!

Anyway, I started thinking along the lines of the videos, "How can I share all that with people?". I've felt this before, but I really think He is showing me that I can be a light to others, even if it's only in my attitude towards them.
Perhaps He will open a way I can be involved in some ministry - I've had some ideas lately, perhaps that's God. Wherever He leads, I'll be patient, and do what I can, where I am.

"Inasmuch as you have done it to the least of these my brethren, you have done it unto Me"
That really is the best way we can show our(my) gratitude to God, by showing others how great it is to be watched over, protected, and provided for - being joyful in His care for us. It's never our most-dreamed of way to be helped, but it's always the best way - exactly what we need to improve.

I need to change - and now I plan on cutting no corners! With God, all things are possible!

Ahh, rest!

So, I made it through the weekend.

With Petey dying a couple weeks ago, and Swan on Friday, I wasn't well-equipped to work my tail off this weekend, but I kept plugging away, and now it's over.

I'm sleeping better with the heat turned down, but keep waking up because I know why the temperature is cooler. I wish things had turned out differently for her - she was still a little baby. At least I rescued her while she was still alive - I could tell she was happy to be found (I'm not sure if snakes experience happiness as humans do, but they have an equivalent).

So, I will stick with Burmese pythons & corn snakes - it should be an interesting year, getting them to breed, hatching the eggs, working with the babies...

I've been thinking a lot again this weekend, and have decided I need to buckle down & concentrate on the few things I can change, given my current situation, and focus on accomplishing my main goals, rather than thinking so much about all the possibilities that may lie ahead of me.
I will write down a budget, rather than keeping track of it all in my head. That system worked for me in the past, but I need to kick-start my financial situation in the right direction, and I think that will be a big help.
I will use what I know, and what is likely, to improve my work opportunities, rather than always checking out some new way of earning a living. I'm comparatively young yet, but I can tell working so many hours doing hard work is wearing me down, though I thank God for allowing me to keep up with the work, and retain my good health for the most part.
I will look forward to God's plan for me being revealed little by little, in bits & pieces, or maybe in big chunks, rather than trying to see what's ahead in every new development in my life.
Lastly, I will appreciate all the little bright spots, and dwell on them, rather than obsessing over all the little bad things that happen to me. I've been making an effort to do that lately, and it's amazing what a positive outlook does in every area of a life. God's put lots of reminders (both in the way of bright spots, and instances of the value of being optimistic) in my life lately, and I have gotten the message.

Make it so.